Tricky Waters

Black Talk / White Listeners

There is a feeling of consternation in many Black Americans when discussing problem issues which have elements of being self inflicted, while in the presence of White Americans. The recent controversy involving Don Imus has propelled to the forefront, some of the degrading language used by some rappers to describe Black Women. Also being exposed is the misogynistic messages sent through some rap videos. These are problem issues that definitely need to be addressed by the black community. But why is it oftentimes so troubling for blacks to discuss these and other community issues in the company of whites?
Please find (below) an excerpt, WARNING: Please Read If You Are Of European Descent, from a book entitled The Complicated Life Of The African-American Man(What’s on his mind)© 2006 Available at: http://www.nowitsdonepublish.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/ This excerpt (as well as other topics covered in this thought provoking book) will give the reader a better understanding and feel for the African-American perspective.

To Get Insight, Is To Get Information;

To Truly Be Informed, One Must Truly Listen;

If One Is Inclined To Listen, One Is Destined To Learn

The Complicated Life...
WARNING
pg. 163
As we move forward in this book, we will begin to
expound upon issues and situations that are taking place
within the African-American community. Many times,
African-Americans are reluctant to discuss African-American
issues in the company of European-Americans. If we
discuss issues that take place among African-Americans
in the presence of European-Americans there seems to be
a sense among European-Americans that the root of the
problem is self-inflicted by the African-Americans within
a given community. There is an attitude of absolvement
from European-Americans who would like to believe that
societal racial differences have had nothing to do with
the present state of affairs within the African-American
community.
There seems to be a sense of relief among European-
Americans when an African-American speaks about the
ills of the African-American community and places the
blame squarely and solely on the shoulders of African-
Americans. While we will be discussing issues that we
believe African-Americans need to take a prominent role
in helping to rectify, by no means are we absolving white
society from its role in helping to create an environment
in which these issues thrive and flourish.
Most African-Americans believe in personal responsibility.
In most discussions by White Americans (as well
as some Black Americans) the base or foundation of their
platform seems to be personal responsibility. They say,
"People need to be responsible for their actions." We tend
to agree that individuals need to take responsibility for
their actions. It gets kind of hard, however, to take advice
or instruction on taking responsibility for one’s actions
from those who have not taken responsibility for their
actions (or inactions).
A young girl lives with her mother and father. Her
Chapter 6 - WARNING
pg. 164
The Complicated Life...
uncle (her father’s brother) lives with his wife about three
miles away. The uncle has been molesting his niece for
about five years. The uncle’s wife has witnessed the molestations,
but she covers up his actions by throwing away
or burning any incriminating evidence. A family friend
tells the girl’s father of the molesting, but he refuses to
believe that his brother, who otherwise has a pristine reputation,
would molest his daughter. If the father would only
investigate a little, he would find evidence showing that
his brother is guilty, but he would rather look away and
act as if it is not possible that his brother did this. The
mother believes her daughter’s revelation, but in an effort
to keep her family together (which she thinks will be torn
apart if this is exposed), she acts as if nothing has happened
and goes on with life as usual.
The young lady grows up with the burden of this
weighing heavily on her. She commits sex-related crimes
(molesting young boys) as an adult. Ultimately, she is responsible
for her personal behavior as an adult, but which
one of these four previously mentioned adults can stand
in front of her and speak to her about accepting personal
responsibility for her actions? Her uncle? Her aunt? Her
father? Her mother?
Not all Americans have committed vicious race-related
acts against African-Americans. European-Americans
are quick to point out that not all White Americans
believe and act as the Ku Klux Klan or the racially insensitive
Americans of the past. While we acknowledge that
not all White Americans are violent racists, we are concerned
about those who are (like the family of the molesting
uncle) enablers. Like the wife of the molester, there
are those Americans who try to cover up the injustices
perpetrated towards people of color. Then there are those
(like the girl’s father) who refuse to even acknowledge
pg. 165
the possibility of wrongdoing, denying it could ever have
happened. There are those also, who are like the mother
who, to keep appearances nice, will not even bring up
past and present injustices.
Now, if an African-American commits a crime, which
one of these individual groups is justified in telling him
about personal responsibility? While we do believe that
any African-American man should be able to talk to another
African-American man about personal responsibility,
we find that some of the conservative men of color do
not really take into consideration the effects of racial injustices
on the psyche of the African-American man.
Do you think it is a coincidence that most of the
people who grow up to molest children were themselves
molested as children? We are about to take you into the
world of the African-American community. You will be
witness to topics and issues that you might not otherwise
be privy to. Be aware, however, that although we will be
looking towards self-examination by the African-American
(concerning issues of his and her community), the
effects of the societal culture in America may have affected
even their ability to see themselves as they should.
The molested children hated being molested, so why
would they as adults molest children? Could the environment
in which they lived have affected them? In trying to
curb the effects of the molestations and to prevent them
from acting in similar fashion, you would not simply say
"What’s past is past" and "You are responsible for your
actions," expecting them to be all right. In the same vein,
you cannot take issues facing the African-American community
and not take into consideration the effects of racism
in America.
Have you ever noticed how it is easier for a recovering
alcoholic (who is attending Alcoholics Anonymous
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166
The Complicated Life...
meetings) to speak openly to, and receive counseling from,
an individual who has had success in battling his (or her)
own alcohol addiction? Likewise, a person who is trying
to kick any other habit will usually express and expose
himself more openly to a person who has traveled the same
road he has. You should not find it odd then, that African-
Americans would be more apt to speak openly to, and
receive criticism from, other African-Americans who at
least share the common ground of race.

In Addition(Posted April 19th 2007)

We witness African-American guests on television shows across this country debating and discussing topics and problems facing the African-American community. There are some (in discussing the Don Imus controversy) who would contend that rap artists who send misogynistic messages through their music and videos are directly or indirectly responsible for the "culture" in which Don Imus and others of his ilk feel comfortable in making statements like "Nappy headed ho’s".

Do middle aged white men generally listen to rap lyrics in an effort to find acceptable words to use in disparaging black people? They have not had any problems finding the perfect words to do so for the 300 plus years in American history before rap music was created.

Food For Thought: "There’s more to a movie than the one scene you were paid to appear in"

Jonathan Richardson
Author/Speaker/Poet

What Don Imus and others should understand

Don Imus and his comments of "Nappy headed ho’s" directed towards the Rutgers women’s basketball players, has ignited a firestorm. Many African-Americans find his comments highly offensive and worthy of his termination. Many European-Americans however, while finding his comments racially insensitive and offensive, seem to view it as someone who (in attempting to be funny) crossed the line; But should he be fired?
There are those who feel that our society has become too sensitive towards words intended as jokes. Is every joke said by European-Americans going to be scrutinized? Can anyone take a joke?
Please find (below) an excerpt: Can We Take A Joke?(It Depends) from a book entitled, The Complicated Life Of The African-American Man(What’s on his mind) © 2006 Available at: http://www.nowitsdonepublish.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/ This excerpt (as well as other topics covered in this thought provoking book) will give the reader a better understanding and feel for the African-American perspective.

To Get Insight, Is To Get Information;

To Truly Be Informed, One Must Truly Listen;

If One Is Inclined To Listen, One Is Destined To Learn

pg. 120
The Complicated Life...
Can We Take A Joke? (It Depends)
A statement reads, "Laugh and the whole world will
laugh with you." Not everyone wants to laugh at what
some may deem funny.
An African-American golfer won a prestigious golf
tournament. The tradition of this tournament was to allow
the winner to choose the meal for the following year’s
tournament dinner. A white golfer was asked what advice
he would give to the African-American champion concerning
the choosing of the meal for the dinner. The white
golfer said something along the lines of, "Just tell him
not to serve chicken and watermelon and things will be
okay." An uproar ensued from the African-American community
A Samoan-American football player was asked what
was the best way to slow down his African-American
teammate (who was the team’s running back). The Samoan-
American said something like, "Just fill him up with
chicken and watermelon." The community outcry was not
nearly as loud as when the white gentleman made his comments.
European-Americans often ask why words coming
from one group of people are not perceived as offensive,
but as soon as a white person says them, there is an uproar.
I believe the answer to this inquiry is multi-layered
and multidimensional.
The first element that we find is the fact that a culture
more readily accepts jokes about its culture from
someone of the same culture. We see African-American
comedians making jokes about African-American culture.
Asian-Americans about Asian-American culture, Hispanics
about Hispanics, Italians about Italians, Polish about
Polish, Native Americans about Native Americans and so
on. When people see that you can identify with them
pg. 121
through your cultural commonality, it is easier to laugh,
knowing there is a common thread.
When dealing with a joke coming from someone
other than one’s own race, another dynamic comes into
play on whether or not the joke is deemed offensive or
not. In the case of the Samoan-American football player
making the joke about his African-American teammate, I
believe that the African-American community did not get
extremely outraged because of two points: one, cross-cultural
commonality and, two, cross-cultural respect.
When an African-American looks at another minority
in America, we often see a familiar historical story.
We see Hispanic neighborhoods that look a lot like our
neighborhoods. We see Samoan families closely bonded
to ensure all their shelter, food and clothing needs are met.
We find that the lower paying jobs that we have been relegated
to down through the years are often co-worked by
others of Mexican, Samoan, Hawaiian, Indian, and Asian
descent.
Through working together and living close to one
another, we often develop a mutual respect for one
another’s culture. So when the Samoan-American makes
a joke about an African-American, the feeling of being
respected as a culture and as a man allows us to see the
joke as simply that, a joke.
European America, on the other hand, has not shown
a lot of respect (historically) to the African-American culture.
The very game that the European-American and the
African-American were playing (golf) has been exclusionary
and restricted. In the 1960’s and 1970’s, there were
tournaments that blacks were not allowed to play in. Country
clubs have a notorious reputation for not allowing
minorities to be members (to this day).
In a broader aspect, White America has not shown
pg. 122
enough respect to African-Americans and our culture, for
us to feel that a joke told by someone of European descent
is not coming from a place of disrespect and ridicule.
For years, America has been making fun of African-
Americans as these lazy, shuffling, big lipped, watermelon
eating, step-n-fetch-it men and Aunt Jamima, big hipped,
big lipped, scarf around the head, mammy women. They
portrayed us as such in books, on stage and on television,
even going as far as putting on blackface and parading
around a stage.
Even though these extreme examples are no longer
accepted today as appropriate, America still has no problem
portraying African-Americans disparagingly. America
has never truly shown respect towards the African-American
culture.
Let’s put it this way. Say you were adopted when
you were two years old. Your adoptive father always told
you that you were ugly, fat, bad smelling and useless. You
heard this all the way through your childhood and teen
years. Finally, you grow up and move out. Years later,
your adoptive father invites you and some of your friends
over for dinner. He proceeds to tell jokes about your looks
and your weight. Do you think you’d be laughing?

In Addition(Posted April 15th 2007)

Since the firing of Don Imus by CBS, there is now an outcry from the mainstream media and others about Rap music and how some of it’s lyrics are demeaning and disrespectful of black women. They (the media) contend that Black America has not pursued and condemned some of these rappers the same way it has pursued and condemned Don Imus.
Taking into consideration some of the elements written about in the excerpt above (Can we take a joke?), we find that the cut is a little deeper when it comes from a group which has not historically respected African-Americans. Furthermore, African-Americans have been voicing their concern about some of the sexist and demeaning rap lyrics for many years. It seems however that as long as it is black on black, the mainstream media and the larger society does not care much.

Why do we hear the outcry from the media and others now?

There was an African-American man who saw the need for a television channel which catered to the under served African-American demographic(Mr. Robert Johnson-Founder of Black Entertainment Television a.k.a: BET). He built the brand by catering to the African-American on many different levels. While BET showed such entertaining fare (Video Soul, Midnight Grooves etc.) it also catered to the Spiritual, Social, Economic and Intellectual needs of the African-American consumer.
After many years at the helm, Mr. Johnson decided to sell BET. After BET was sold to a company NOT owned by an African-American, many of the programs that appealed to the African-American’s Spiritual, Intellectual, Social and Economic desires began to disappear. Nightly News, Tavis Smiley, Teen Summit and others, began to be replaced by music videos and comedy shows.
So they take the Spiritual, Intellectual, Economic and Social properties which promote the health and wholeness of the African-American off the air, and replace it with programming which promotes not only dancing and laughing, but also undergirds sexist and demeaning language and images heard and shown in some of the videos that have become an embedded staple of the programming offered.
If you cater to such a flesh driven level of consumer desire and show that financial gain is obtained though such (as we see being catered to as well to European-Americans through such offerings as the Girls Gone Wild videos), how do you condemn the African-American community for not speaking out loudly enough against the very things you put on their plate to consume?